My "hands on" problem. . . .

I am convinced that my eventual undoing will be the result of an un-openable cap on a child-proof bottle.  My demise will come in one of two ways:

1.  I am in the desert (or just in the heat of a mid-summer day in Miami), dying of thirst, suffering from dehydration, with moments to go before all my organs start shutting down. But I still can't get the cap off the goddamned plastic bottle of water clutched in my feverish hands.

2.I am stricken with a rare tropical disease that can easily be cured by the miracle medication in the little plastic container that I am holding in my trembling hands.  You guessed it.  I can't get the top off this intricate little number that demands that you press down while simultaneously turning in a counter-clockwise fashion.  Forgeddabout it.

I am not kidding when I say that the new bottle caps are designed to prevent opening by senior citizens with weak hands far more than by small children.  At least small children have a Mommy or Daddy to open theirs.  I'm stuck with multiple methods of invention, none of which work as well as the significant other's strong hands, but he's not always around when I need him for that purpose.

For the screw caps on my acryllic paint tubes I carry a pair of pliers in my equipment bag, stolen from my tool box.  For the ring of plastic that seals the top of the Coffeemate Creme bottle, I have a hook-like thingy that I bought on line, that really works well. Unfortunately, that's the only thing it works on. For the top of the new Hellman's Mayonaise jar in my refrigerator, I have a flat circle of rubber that is supposed to give me leverage when I try to twist it open. Oh well, mayonaise is fattening.  I can probably do without it.  I've even been known to use my teeth on certain occasions, but nothing is more expensive than new caps for my two front teeth so I try to keep that method to a minimum.

I know there are more important problems in the world today than my inability to deal with bottle caps, so I'll sign off now.  I'm kind of thirsty anyhow. Think I'll go get a drink from my kitchen faucet.  Pretty sure I can handle that.
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Photo caption:  Even Wasabi is confused by all these implements.  Think how I feel!