My inner chef just came out. . .

I'll do anything for free kitty litter, Fancy Feast or Purina Cat Chow. I'm not ashamed to admit it. I'm sure you remember when I had you all voting like mad in the Ultra Pet Photo contest that we unfortunately didn't win due to what Andrea believed to be the result of an evil conspiracy. But that's another story.

My major food expense is cat-oriented,thanks to dinners cooked and served at the significant other's home. Wasabi can whip through bags of expensive Temptation treats almost as fast as Ginger can down a 59 cent can of Savory Salmon. Benard has turned me on to the world of coupons, and I've learned to buy Fancy Feast 24 cans at a time to save a dollar!

But back to the really free stuff, like a year's worth, for goodness sakes. I, who can barely boil water, have entered Fancy Feast's new "Tastemaker's" recipe contest on line. My task. . to create a recipe for a new cat flavor that will win me a year's worth of their expensive "Elegant Medleys" brand of cat food. Don't tell them that my not-so-elegant cats turn up their noses at the exotic "Medley" flavors. . .they are strictly salmon eaters. . .but there is no need for the powers that be at Fancy Feast to know that. If I win it, they will learn to love it, believe me.

The contest provides you with a number of "Protein Sources", "Accents" and "Sauces" from which I had to pick and choose to create my recipe. (Those familiar with my culinary talents are now laughing hysterically.) I know you are dying to hear my entry, so here goes. . .

Inroducing. . . .PURRRFECT SUSHI BY WASABI & GINGER. . .A compelling combination of Yellow Fin Tuna & Shrimp, with a yummy Accent of Wild Rice, topped off by a dollop of Classic Gravy. (I trust you all caught the clever play on words in our recipe's title.)

Sounds almost good enough to eat, doesn't it? I also had to write our "inspiration story" about me, my cats and how we all adore Fancy Feast, and upload a photo of the three of us. That part was easy.

I hate to think of how many thousands of entries they will receive. . .cat food is damned expesive, especially when you have multiple pets who eat like there is no tomorrow. I'm putting my money on PURRRFECT SUSHI to win this race. At the very least we should end up with one free can for trying, don't you think?

Let's see now. . 365 cans @ .59 per. . that's $215.35 worth of cat food! Wow! Keep your fingers crossed. I'll keep you informed.

Quiet. . .We're on air!

I've been a regular Tuesday morning reader to the visually impaired on public radio for several years now, but this morning when I finished my stint reading the Miami Herald, the "significant other" appeared at the station to lead a tour of the television and radio studios to a group of 5th graders from Meadowlane Elementary School in Hialeah.

Seven girls and two boys, led by Media Specialist Debra Fisher, arrived wearing special yellow Tee-shirts with a cartoon tiger at a microphone on the front and the words WTBN NEWS CREW on the back. They explained to us, in all seriousness, that WTBN stood for Tiger Broadcast News. . the W making the whole thing very professional.. and the tiger being the school's official mascot. They also informed us that they telecast the weather and news every morning to the rest of the students from their in-school studio.

Can't say I remember my elementary school being that technologically advanced. . we felt fortunate if we had gym lockers that actually locked. These kids were really TV-savvy and very interested in everything Benard and staff members had to say. Plus, they asked a ton of questions. The highlight, of course, was our time in one of the studios where the kids took turns behind the TV camera and on the set as "guest celebrities". (The quality of my photo isn't good, but you get the idea.)

A tour of the radio station facilities on the building's second floor yielded an unexpected bonus. WLRN radio personality, Joseph Cooper, was on hand to allow the kids to sit behind the mikes and know what it feels like to be interviewed on air. (In the photo that's Cooper on the left and Benard in the middle, talking with the kids.)

It was a fascinating morning. I had a strong feeling I was looking at the next generation's Brian Williams and Katie Courics. Don't underestimate these kids. They're smart as whips and all they need is a chance. Now if our crazy governor would just stop cutting funds to public education.
# # #
# #

Me and Marjorie. . .

That's Marjorie Stoneman Douglas I'm sitting with in the photo accompanying this blog. For you non-Floridians, she's the lady who single-handedly saved the Florida Everglades when in 1948 she wrote a book titled "The Everglades: River of Grass".

Marjorie (the bronze sculpture that is, the real lady died at the age of 108 in 1998) is a regular stop on my tour when I serve as a new tram guide at Fairchild Tropical Botanic Gardens. I mostly do Thursday mornings,with Jeff Kaplan as my driver. Both Jeff and Benard drive and talk for their own tours, but as I have written in the past, Fairchild wisely refrained from asking me to also drive, not wanting to unnecessarily maim visitors and wantonly kill exotic plant life.

Benard was my very patient mentor while I was learning the fact-filled 45 minute spiel that makes up the tour. He's been a Fairchild guide for some 12 years and I am a newbie. At the end of three tours. . all guides do a three-tour shift, mine this morning was for 10am, 11am and 12 noon. . .I am totally pooped. You try talking without stopping for three hours, not to mention trying to remember endless botanical tidbits like the baobab tree somes from Africa and the albizia tree is native to Indonesia. (A low bow to Jeff for not flinching when I screw up my continents every now and then.)

With less than 15 minutes between tours I make a fast run to the ladies room, repair my lipstick and make a stab at smoothing down my hair which is at total odds with the cordless head set mike that I must wear so that the passengers on the three car tram can hear what I have to say. Benard tells me that driving the tram is like driving one of those huge semis you see on the highway. Is it any wonder I'm not behind the wheel, much less capable of even seeing over the wheel at my towering 4' 11" height.

Fairchild Tropical Botanic Garden is truily an amazing place and I am enjoying my new role as tram guide. At the end of my last tour this morning I actually got a round of applause. If I wasn't a volunteer, I would ask for a raise in pay.
# # #

Never too old to be star-struck. . . .

We were sitting streetside at Lulu's, an outdoor cafe in Coconut Grove, with the significant other's grand-daughter, Elizabeth, and grandson, Bennett, last night, when it happened.

The air became electric and 20 year old Bennett's eyes widened to two round saucers. Even the waitress stopped in her tracks and stared. "LeBron," came a call from a diner at the restaurant directly across the street. "LeBron James, look this way."

I turned with everyone else (take a look at the accompanying photo snapped by Bennett who whipped out his cell phone to record the monent.) It was the Miami Heat's star himself, in a humongously large white, top down Bentley convertible, stopped at the corner, unable to make his turn because traffic had come to a standstill.

Forks stopped in mid-air. Drinks were forgotten for the moment. Grand-daughter Elizabeth, in her mid-twenties a sophisticated medical school graduate and hardly a breathless teen-ager, was instantly on her cell phone, calling a friend to report who was stopped literally in front of her table. The scene was truly surreal as this giant of a man waved and smiled then made his turn and disappeared into the night.

For the kids it was a great finish to a wonderful five day visit to Miami to see their grandfather who Bennett prounced as "very cool". Particularly when he showed off his bartending skill at making sour apple martinis one evening in my apartment. How many octogenarian grandfather's can pull that off with such aplomb.

This morning Bennett flew off to St. Louis where he is attending Washington University. Elizabeth returned to Bethesda, MD where she will receive her MD from Johns Hopkins in May. They spent time on South Beach, visited Fairchild Tropical Botanic Gardens, and partied with relatives. But I bet that moment with LeBron will be something they both remember.
# # #
Photo caption #1: Bennett's photo catches the back of my head as I stare awestruck at the Miami Heat's superstar.
Photo caption #2: The kids and their grandfather at Fairchild Gardens

Welcome to the world, Grayson Max Anker. . .

If I am a little teary eyed this morning it's because my great grandson, Grayson Max Anker, made his entrance right on schedule at 7:55am, weighing in at 7 lbs. 11 oz., and 20.5". In the accompanying picture, sent from the delivery room literally minutes after his birth, he has a major grip on his Daddy's finger.

Can't help but flash on Grayson's Daddy's birth some 32 years ago, and the wonder of becoming a grandmother. Hard to believe that my daughter Andrea is experiencing that feeling this morning. I hope for her the remarkable relationship I enjoyed with my grandson through the years. In my mind he is still that little boy I taught to ski and went bird watching with me in Africa.

A shout-out to modern technology that allowed Adam to send photos of his new son to his anxiously waiting family as well as report on Facebook about Grayson's safe arrival. For my part, I've been texting back and forth to Andrea since early morning.(And you thought we old guys don't text, didn't you!) My cell phone accompanied me on my early morning walk and I let out a whoop when at 8:10am she texted "Baby here! Adorable!"

By the way. . .today is Earth Day. What a beautiful day to be born. Can't stop smiling.Congratulations, Amy and Adam. . .Grayson's great grandmother is absolutely ecstatic to welcome him to the world.

Never too late to learn. . .

Don't mess with me. I'm learning Tai Chi and I'll deliver a karate chop to your jugular if you so much as raise an eyebrow.

I hear you. You're saying to yourself, "What is she doing now? Isn't it time to just sit down and read a good book, Joan???"

Actually, I read lots of books and I didn't go looking for this activity. Benard's daughter-in-law, Stephanie, is a certified instructor with a best-selling DVD available on the internet called Tai Chi For Enlighteners. She describes it as "a new philosophy of living well and wisely for those over 50." OK, so I'm a little late coming to it, about thirty years to be exact, but I figure it's never too late to be enlightened.

Steph runs a class here at Grove Isle on Thursday nights that I attend. We who attend are a lesson in diversity, both men and women. With the exception of one woman, we are all new to the art, but our teacher has endless patience as we all try mightily to achieve the fluidity that is the mark of this ancient form of self defense.

For the briefest moment, before class starts, I am back in China several years ago, with my daughter Andrea and my friends Alice and Barbara. We are standing in front of our hotel across the street from a small park where a man is leading 20 or 30 not very young looking Chinese men and women through what is ovviously their morning exercise routine. We are awed by the ease and beauty of their efforts.

I'm not quite up to the ease and beauty stage yet, folks, but I'm really trying. Mainly because Tai Chi is widely recognized as an excellent means of enhancing balance in addition to strengthening the body and mind. Can't hurt, guys, no matter how enlightened you think you are.

While it may look easy when Steph demonstrates a move, doing it yurself is actually very demanding of your total attention. In other words, it's damned difficult, but I am getting better as the weeks go by. We work out in a room with mirrors on four sides so there's no escaping when your pose is a long way from graceful. But it's also kind of gratifying when you glance at the mirror and actually look like you know what you are doing.

Stef tells us that Tai Chi is the "grandmother" of all Chinese defensive arts. So like I said, don't mess with me. I'm not only working on my balance but I've developed a mean right elbow and a wicked left kick.

Not too bad for an octogenarian.
# # #
Photo: Stephanie's "Tai Chi for Enlighteners". Visit her website at www.enlighteners.com
.

The view from up here. . .

In my mind, I've never been short. Actually, I've always seen myself as tall, blonde and blue-eyed. Why are you who know me laughing????

In reality, I achieved my final height of exactly 5' at the age of 16. This was no big surprise since both my father and mother, in true Ashkenazi heritage, were both very short. My sister Fran towered over us at 5'3". Never could figure out how that happened.

I mention this because photos taken over the past 15 years with the "significant other" and his family all look like I am standing in a deep hole. At 84, Benard has "shrunk" to 6'1". Son Leon, who is currently visiting, is at least 6'2", and son Jack is like 6'3". Even most of the grandkids are 6 footers so you get the picture.

At my current height of 4'11" (I've written in the past of the trauma I experienced when I first learned that I had descended an inch into near-gnomehood), photographs taken with normal height people have become downright embarassing. That's why the sheer brilliance of the photo posted here today made me decide to share it with all of you.

Finally! A photo where I am on level ground (well, maybe not ground exactly) with everyone else. In fact, I may even be an inch or two taller. A moment to remember. That's Benard on the left and Leon on the right, taken after lunch at a delightful outdoor restaurant by their Cousin Iris (also tall).

From now on, I'm considering carrying a small collapsible bench with me to all potential photo shoots. I always knew I was meant to be tall. It just took a while to figure out how.