Oh how I wish I had my camera with me this morning. Here's the picture I would have taken.

Driving home through Coconut Grove, as I waited for the traffic light to change, I found myself staring at a sight from days gone by. . a mounted policeman. Except this officer of the law, astride his elegant, coal black horse, wasn't leading a parade or even directing traffic. He was trotting down the street busily talking on his cell phone.

The juxtaposition of the classic horse and modern technology struck me as a powerful metaphor for the crazy world we live in.

What made me smile was the fact that if the light hadn't changed, I probably would have whipped out my own cell phone and taken a picture of the policeman talking on his. Then I would have forwarded the photo with a few clicks to several friends. Maybe even posted it on YouTube. Geez, if I know how to do something like that at my age, can you imagine what the kids are capable of these days?

I am constantly amazed at the amount of electronics that have entered my life. Just this afternoon I found myself explaining to the significant other how to set up his expenses on Excel. He loved the idea you can add the columns with one click, especially since he's been doing his own spread sheets by hand for umpteen years. I am a notably poor adder, so having the computer do it for me is a real plus.

The Today Show recently did a segment on a family that went without all electronics in their home for six months (They could use them at school and at work.) I trust they were paid well for the experiment, because a half year without tv, computer, or cellphone. . that also precludes Netflix and the LA Times crossword-puzzle-on-line, I presume. . .doesn't sound like much fun to me.

I have to go now. My cell phone just beeped to tell me that one of the four strangers I am simultaneously playing Scrabble with, has completed their move. This guy has an interesting vocabulary. The last round he posted the word "feces". I can't wait to see what he comes up with next.

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I have a word for you. . .

The "significant other" and I were watching the debacle known as the Sun Bowl when he noted that I was spending more time staring at my cell phone than watching Notre Dame decimate our University of Miami Hurricanes.

"What are you staring at?" he asked, a bit petulantly. "I'm playing Scrabble," I had to admit. "That sound you just heard was my cell telling me one of the unknown people I am play against just added a word."

I blame this new addiction on my friend Merele who introduced me to playing the word game on my cell. Unfortunately, I can't (so far) play with her, because she has a sophisticated iPhone and I am playing on a lowly Sprint Hero. Her version of the game is not one of the apps on my phone, so I play something called WordFeud with three or four strangers at a time.

Currently, I am playing against Townee, Alanda and Angelswhisper. Townee is killing me at 324 to 265, and I am destroying Angelswhisper with my latest entry of the word YONDER which conveniently covered triple letter and double word spaces and gave me 45points! (See photo above.) Wow! What a way to start the New Year. (Alanda takes ages to respond so I've just about given up on her/him.)

I always wondered what kids and young adults were staring at when you would see them peering at thir cell phones. I figured they were texting or tweeting. I didn't realize a lot of them were playing games. I'm not sure how many octogenarians are downloading apps to their cell phones, but I have to admit I also play Solitaire on a regular basis and just this morning discovered an app for Blackjack. There's no question. I'm hooked.

Anyone out there with WordFeud on their cells, I'd love to play with you. Words are my business and I warn you, I'm a tough opponent and I'm here to play. Anyone?????

I was watching the final edition of the Larry King Show on CNN and feeling nostalgic. I met Larry for the first time when he was hosting "Breakfast at Pumperniks", his first radio interview show, on Miami Beach. That was back in the late 50's and in my new role as owner of my own pr firm,I represented hotels,nightclubs and restaurants. That's all that really was available on the Beach in those days.

Larry was set up in a booth at Pumperniks, on the corner of Collins Avenue and 74th Street, for those of you who know Miami Beach. Pumperniks was a popular deli/restaurant frequented by everyone, particularly entertainers appearing at the various hotels. I spent a lot of time shuttling the famous and not so famous to be interviewed by him there and a few years later when he moved up in the radio world to a mid-nite to 2am interview show on WIOD. Miami Beach was a late night town in those days and nobody seemed to mind showing up at mid-nite and talking for an hour or two. Even at that hour, he had a huge listener audience. Come to think of it, I was a lot younger and thought nothing of being out until all hours of the morning. Wow, has that changed.

What always fascinated me about Larry was the fact that once he ok'd one of my clients to appear on the show, he never wanted any advance information other than how to pronounce their name correctly and what was I "pushing" pr-wise that I wanted him to mention on air. Usually the name of the hotel, theatre or nightclub that I represented where the interviewee was staying or appearing. He was always great about that, and believe me, it was much appreciated. I once had a reporter do a front page story in the Miami Herald that I had gone to a lot of trouble to set up, and he neglected to mention the name of the hotel where the event occured. Needless to say, my client, the owner of the hotel, was mightily pissed and I was ready to kill myself for all the wasted work.

In the mid-60s, Larry became our neighbor on Keystone Islands. His house backed up to our side yard. We had first hand knowledge of his numerous marriages and live-in girlfriends via the kids in the neighborhood. I can remember Andrea, at 10 or 12, coming home from playing outside, to offhandedly remark at dinner that "there's a new set of kids at the King house."

The other thing about Larry that I always found interesting was that while he was an incredibly good interviewer while he was on air, the moment the commercial break would come on, he would ignore the celebrity and turn to me to discuss the latest Miami Dolphin game. An avid Dolphin fan, he knew we had season tickets and was much more interested in discussing my thoughts on Sunday's game than anything the non-plused celebrity had to say.

Yes, he wore the horn rimmed glasses and the suspenders, even then. I've marveled at his meteoric rises and catastrophic falls over the years. I knew him before his gravy years with CNN, but you always knew he was something special.

Interesting memories. I think I may e-mail him and wish him well.

A fashionable tale. . . .

Go ahead and laugh. I just bought myself a pair of "jeggings". At Costco, no less. For you non-fashionistas, jeggings are the new hot clothing item, a cross between jeans and leggings. Worn best with knee high boots, but of course.

OK, so most 81 year olds aren't wearing knee high boots, much less jeggings, but on sale for $15.95, by Gloria Vanderbilt you should excuse me,who could resist??? It just so happens that I realized recently I actually own a pair of knee high black suede boots, left over from my apres ski past life, I guess. I tried tucking a regular pair of black boot leg jeans into them but ended up looking more knobby than usual, so the knee boots went back in their box.

Then fate intervened!

The significant other and I were perusing the aisles at Costco yesterday when it was necessary to cross over from paper goods (toilet paper, paper towels, coffee filters) to the produce department (fresh fish, lamb chops, strip steaks). To do this we were forced to cross through the area reserved for odds and ends of clothes. . if you are a Costco aficionado, you know the drill. When I hesitated before a pile of black jeans, Benard made the mistake of asking me what jeggings were, and that's all she wrote. I dithered for a few minutes longer and finally threw a Size 8-Short (at 4'11" you thought I buy Longs?) into the basket. The deed was done.

Honestly, they're not bad. . .and with the weather this week ridiculously cold here in Miami, I'm actually getting to wear them. We have a holiday party tomorrow evening and I plan to look totally chic with my boots and jeggings. . .if I can just figure out what to wear on top. I'll bet I'm the only octagenarian at the event sporting such avant garde fashion. Naomi Campbell, eat your heart out.

As a parting thought I have to share with you something I tore out of a magazine recently. . it's a quote by someone named Diane Ackerman, I have no idea who she is. . but it really struck a chord with my take on life and maybe explains the jeggings. It goes this way. . . "I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I lived just the length of it. I want to have lived the width as well."

To that I say "Amen".

Monkey business. . .that's art, folks!!

Miami's been awash in art this past week with the annual arrival of the international Art Basel and all it's attendant creative excitement. Basically, everyone is doing something art-y and that goes for Fairchild Botanical Gardens where the newest art installation is a group of sculptures by Les Lalannes. . .Claude & Francois Xavier LaLanne, to be exact. (Actually, I never heard of them either, so don't feel bad, even though they are apparently very famous.)

When Benard did his Friday morning tram tours of the Garden this week, I went along to see the installation and also practice up on my own tour. As soon as I get up the courage to take my "test". . .show off my tour to Julie, the lady in charge of tram tour guides. . .I'll be doing my own one of these days. Benard drives the 72-passenger tram and talks at the same time. . .I am not such a multi-tasker. . .If I have to drive and talk, there's a good chance I would kill people as well as plants along the way. For that reason, I have had the good sense to only sign up to talk. I'm no fool.

Anyway, the Les Lalannes' sculptures are very whimsical and absolutely delightful. They range from Francois-Xavier's "Very Big Thoughtful Monkey" whose lap I am casually sitting on in the photo, to Claude's famous "Very Large Cabbage With Chicken Legs". This one is an enlarged replica of her famous original 1964 sculpture where she metalicized a real cabbage and was the talk of the art world. I swear I'm not making this up.

There are also two herds of wonderful LaLanne sheep in various areas of the garden, moutons, for all you Francophiles. That's Benard with "Wapiti" or stag in English. All in all, it's a delightful installation and you can't help but smille as you come upon each one. Fairchild's decision to feature "art in the garden" has been wonderfully successful. It all started with an installation of glass sculpture by Dale Chihuly two years ago. . .since then we've had a succession of artists. . .the last one was a famous Japanese lady sculptor who lived in a mental institution and was obscessed with polka dots. . .not our favorite. As tram guides, we get to talk all about them. But this new installation is a winner and I strongly suggest you visit the Garden if you are in Miami.

By the way, in January, Yoko Ono is coming to the Garden to install her "Wishing Tree" in one of our ficus trees. She's apparently done this in many places around the world. When you visit you can make out your wish and hang it on the tree. . periodically the wishes are gathered up and all stored together in a kind of rocket up in Alaska. But of course. I would expect nothing less from John Lennon's widow.

You gotta admit, Fairchild is not your grandma's style of garden.

Ramble on down to Fairchild Gardens

The "Queen of Carnivorous Plants" returned to her post last Saturday. It was Fairchild Tropical Gardens' Annual Ramble time, and this was my 6th year hawking all manner of meat-eating (do bugs qualify as meat???) plants to wide-eyed children and equally fascinated adults. The Ramble is an institution in the Miami area, and is the Garden's main fundraiser.

I can tell I've become somewhat of an institution at the carnivorous plant booth because Bob, the man who grows all these varieties we sell once a year, welcomed me back by name. This year I worked the Saturday 9-1 shift, arriving at 8:30 to help set up, and spending the morning explaining about the various plants, how they feed themselves, and how to keep them alive, especially the Venus Fly Traps that the kids tend to kill within a day or two.Teaching is as important as selling at the Ramble, and the kids are fascinated to hear everything we have to say. For a woman who lives in a highrise condominium and can barely keep a potted plant alive on her balcony, it's amazing how much I know about all kinds of exotic plants and trees.

This year I worked alongside a young man named Jamie who is studying theater and dance at the New World High School of The Arts in Downtown Miami, and a very nice senior citizen gentleman named Egon, who also volunteers on a regular basis at the Garden. I think you can tell from the photo just who is who. No, I wasn't standing in a hole when they took the photo, although I do believe the ground was a little uneven. At least I'd like to believe that.

The plants you see hanging all around us are varieties of Nepenthe, a pitcher plant that traps its dinner in hanging cups filled with a sweet liquid that apparently is to flies and bugs what a good martini is to a habitual drinker. Once the bug enters the "pitcher", it gets stuck in the sticky stuff, and as I tell the kids, "that's all she wrote." They understand perfectly. Nepenthe, by the way, is a Greek word meaning "absence of sorrows". I bet a bug stuck in a pitcher might have something to say about that.

At 12:30, Jamie and I snuck out of the booth for a few minutes to witness the release of two turkey vultures that had been rescued from Biscayne Bay by Wild Life Rescue of Dade County. Turkey vultures can't swim, and no one knows why a whole flock of them ended up in the bay. The rescue service, whose slogan is "Keeping Dade County Wild", is run by a Viet Nam vet named Lloyd Brown. They do amazing work. Don't laugh, but I'm thinking of volunteering there. They need help with their website and I love animals, so it sounds like a good match.

The "significant other" spent the morning driving one of the solar-powered shuttles, hauling visitors around the Garden and to the parking areas, so when both of us finished our shifts at 1pm, we made a bee-line for the booths offering food samples. Benard tends to be picky, but I am an equal opportunity sampler,from sticky Thai orange ribs and my all time favorite Arepas, to Key Lime pie and double chocolate cheese cake. It's not a day to count calories.

If you've never experienced The Ramble, you don't know what you are missing. Put it on your calendar for next year. I guarantee it's worth the trip. You'll find me at my usual carnivorous plant stand. . . .good thing I'm not a vegan.
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Photo: Jamie,Me and Egon. . . .can we interest you in a killer plant????

Check off one more item on my electronic "bucket list". I just installed Skype and am ready to have a video chat with any of you, just ring me up!

Why, you ask, have I gone out and bought a web cam for my computer when the bulk of my acquaintances these days hardly can manage e-mail? Because I will become a great grandma in 2011, and by golly, if I can't be in Jacksonville in person, I am definitely planning to be there via video.

Our family is an interesting study in contrasts. I had to literally walk my technically challenged daughter Andrea through the installation of her webcam only to find out that my older sister Fran has had Skype for several years. She installed it herself when her grand-daughter Laura was in Prague for a semester. So much for thinking the new technology is only for the young.

Anyway, I had my first video phone call with grandkids Adam and Amy last night. The two of them were in their usual post-work positions, side by side in bed, each with an open laptop on their lap. I even got a cameo appearance by my grand-dog Layla and a video tour by Adam of their new enclosed sun room. What a hoot!

I suddenly realized there will be no more sitting at my computer in my nighgown, or worse still, my underwear. Vanity insists that I put on a full face of make-up and be sure my hair is looking good before I make or answer a call, so don't be surprised if I don't answer on the first ring. It takes a village these days to get ready for the camera. . .a village named Bobbi Brown, Maybelline, Clinique, etc. etc.

So ring me up please, I need the practice. . .my Skype name is ggjojo11. . .that's greatgrandmajojo11 (Jojo was Adam's name for me when he was very little. . .he long ago shortened it down to just Jo) and the 11 is because Skype added it. . .don't ask why.
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Photo: Add your name to my list, please!